


Clingy

by evakuality



Series: Davenzi tumblr prompts [1]
Category: Druck | SKAM (Germany)
Genre: M/M, Originally Posted on Tumblr, mostly fluffy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-17
Updated: 2020-09-18
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:08:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26507974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evakuality/pseuds/evakuality
Summary: From the tumblr prompt: Could you maybe, if you find the time, write something else about touch. Them being clingy, maybe one of them feels insecure about it. Being too clingy, too needy. But touching the other is grounding, calming, it's home. Just being afraid of being too much.
Relationships: Matteo Florenzi/David Schreibner
Series: Davenzi tumblr prompts [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1927255
Comments: 10
Kudos: 71





	1. Chapter 1

Pots clatter in the kitchen, and a warm scent wafting from that direction is accompanied by some slightly off-key singing. David pauses just inside the door to the flatshare, smiling. He doesn’t even bother moving further in, for now. In his mind’s eye he pictures the scene. Matteo pottering around, making more mess than is strictly necessary, chopping things roughly into chunks that vaguely serve their purpose. He’ll be swaying, headphones perched over his ears and totally unaware that he isn’t silent. It’s a scene David has walked in on far too many times to count and it never ceases to settle him.

The undefined tension David’s been carrying with him all the way home dissipates as he imagines the scene. It’s been such a long, stressful day, filled with too many people being too loud about too many things. All David wants is to go to Matteo and fall into his arms, be wrapped up in one of the warm, strong hugs he’s so good at and let all that fade away into the soft cosiness of the moment. But something holds him back, makes him worry that he wants it too much. That he’s come to depend on it too much.

He’s always been the resourceful one, after all. Living on his wits and relying only on himself is ingrained in every fibre of his being. Running at the first hint of trouble is his safety net, or has been until now. Now Matteo’s arms, his smile and even his annoying pranks. Those are the things David is coming to rely on. Those are the things that signal he’s home. The mere idea of giving over so much of his comfort and peace to someone else like that is terrifying. That he’s done it so easily, letting it slide into his life as if it belongs here is almost the most scary part. He didn’t even notice it happening.

Part of David is always waiting for the shoe to drop, for everything to come crashing in on him, for Matteo realise how needy he is, how much he’s come to rely on his presence and how annoying that will become. That part of him sends a warning signal out reminding him that this can’t last, he can’t possibly have something this calm, this satisfying, this  _ good,  _ remain stable in his life. So letting himself be open, letting himself show how much he needs Matteo and his comforting touch … that’s something he tries to ration, as if that will somehow make the blow lesser when it comes. That’s why he can’t let himself sink into that peace today.

A shadow blocks out the light from the hallway window, and David snaps out of his thoughts. He glances up and can’t help the tug of his lips as he watches Matteo’s face brighten when he spots David standing in the dimmed light of the hall. The golden glow from the kitchen light surrounds him, casting his face into shadow and makes him look vulnerable, the smile tilting his lips into something soft and tired.

“Hey,” David says, quietly. His fingers itch to reach out and pull Matteo in towards him, to soothe away that vulnerability, but he clenches them into fists, nails biting into his flesh as he forces himself to stay here. Forces himself not to give in to the desires that flood his chest at the sight of his boyfriend.

“I’m so glad you’re here,” Matteo says. His voice is bone weary, reflecting the tiredness shadowing his face, and seeped through with an exhaustion David knows only too well.

In the end Matteo’s the one who reaches out. He’s the one who opens his arms. He’s the one who falls into David, who’s only just in time to catch him as he slumps heavy against his chest.

“I’m so fucking tired,” Matteo mumbles, the words muffled in David’s sweater as his arms wrap tight around David’s back. He clings, body pressing against David’s, asking for comfort even as he surrounds David in his own warmth.

Matteo, it seems, has no qualms about being too clingy. He’s burrowed in tight against David as if he’s never going to let go. It feels good. Right. Like home. As if he’s got permission now, David lets his own weight slump too, and they lean against each other, wrapped together in such a way that they’re only held up by their own body weight. One slight movement would be enough to topple them over, sending them both sliding to the floor in a tangle of limbs. But they hold each other up, giving each other the stability and strength they need.

A tiny prickle still nags at the back of David’s brain, suggests that he shouldn’t take so much comfort in this, but it’s so grounding that he lets himself sink into the moment. He lets himself have it. Matteo needs this too, it seems, and when it’s reciprocal like this David finds it easier to give in to what he always wants to do. He lets himself have it, revels now in the need to be close. To be holding. To be held.

“I missed you,” he mutters against the silky hair that tickles his cheek. 

Matteo mutters some pleased sound as if the mere effort of making words is too much but he wants to acknowledge David. It pours warmth right through David’s chest, lighting him up. His arms tighten and he pulls Matteo even closer. His heart beat slows, the rapid, stressed pace it kept all day being measured and calmed by Matteo’s soft presence.

He can hear the whistle of a kettle in the kitchen, but David doesn’t care about that right now or about the pots that have started to rattle as their contents obviously boil. He may feel like he’s too much, too needy, too clingy, and he may lose this any day now. But for now he has it. For now, he can enjoy it. For now, they can get this sort of comfort from each other. For now, the mundanity of life isn’t important. For now, this sense of home is all that matters.


	2. Chapter 2

It’s subtle. Barely there. It’s just barely whispering in the dark recesses of his brain. But it  _ is _ there, and once he notices it the first time, Matteo can’t stop noticing.

What happens when they’re together, touching or holding each other, is David pulling back first. He stiffens, tensing shoulders and sucked-in breaths coming earliest. Matteo can tell it’s there, that slight pulling back and away, but David always hides it, forces his body to relax into their moments together, forces his arms to stay around Matteo. Matteo knows he’s trying to avoid Matteo noticing, and part of him doesn’t even want to know what the message behind it is.

It’s subtle, after all. If he weren’t so attuned to David, Matteo would probably never have realised. But the thing is that it’s not so subtle that it’s all in his head. So Matteo wants to ignore it, to let himself follow the way his body wants to believe in the overt messages from David’s body, that they fit, that they should always be together in these ways, holding and hugging. Unfortunately, there’s that small niggling part of him that wants to know. The part of him that ran to David’s house all those months ago, willing to confront him, wants to push back now. But he’s learned his lesson, painfully, after that moment. Knows that pushing David will only make things worse.

The big problem, though, is that Matteo has to live with the end result and the impact it has on his heart. Every time David doesn’t offer affection, every time he breaks out of a moment first, every time he tenses - even briefly - when they hug. All those times pile up. They outweigh the times when it’s easy, when they fall together into the touch Matteo relies on so much. They suck the comfort and peace of those small moments.

Because that’s the other problem. That Matteo wants this and needs this. That the pain of having the one he loves reject him in so many small ways hits him so hard and so often that it’s hard to keep it in. Hard not to let it show. He should probably have expected this though. It’s not exactly normal to crave touch the way Matteo does. It should have been obvious that this would happen, that Matteo would become too much in this way. That David would have to force the affection Matteo always so desperately craves.

It’s painful and it hurts but he can’t stop. He can’t stop offering his arms when he needs a moment. He can’t stop the ugly thoughts that well up at the same time either.

Not good enough. Too much. Clingy. Needy.

They swirl in his head late one night until he can’t stand it anymore. The weight of it all presses on his chest. He’s lying on David, tugging him in as close as he can. But he can feel it thrumming, feel the rumblings of David's tension picking up under his fingers as they skim over David’s skin, and he can tell that he’s going to have to let the moment go.

_ Fuck it, _ he decides. The ignoring is getting too much, it’s cracking him open in too many ways. So he twists, turns to look at David. His eyes are closed, mouth tilted together into a small smile. He looks relaxed and easy, he looks like Matteo feels. Those eyes flicker open to look into Matteo’s, though, and there’s a shroud of something shuttering the gaze.

Taking a breath, and dragging together all his courage, Matteo sighs. He runs his fingers up to David’s lips, presses the tips there, watching the way they part under his touch.

“What’s the matter?” he asks, quietly. 

His voice is rough, and he can hear the traces of anxiety that crack through it. David can obviously hear it too because his body which had actually relaxed a little under Matteo’s fingers, is suddenly thrumming with tension and the eyes he fixes on Matteo’s are wide and startled.

“What do you mean?” David asks. His voice isn’t any more steady than Matteo's and that’s enough to send a wave of anxiety coursing through him. Maybe this is it, then. Maybe this is when David lets him know just how annoying his desperate need for affection is. He swallows, unsure if he can really say what he needs to. But it’s become so much that Matteo  _ needs _ to know, one way or another.

“Am I… too much?” He watches closely, needing to see what’s going on behind David’s eyes, needs to see it happen. David blinks, a frown creasing between his brows and his lips pursing in confusion. He doesn’t look like he gets it.

“Are  _ you _ too much? I don’t quite—”

Matteo doesn’t understand what’s going on, can’t quite parse this response, but what he can understand is the way David’s arms clutch at him, the way he drags him closer even though that should be impossible. 

“It’s just, I don’t know. You don’t seem to want to hug so much.” Matteo can’t bring himself to say all the stuff about pulling away, about rejection, about how painful it’s all been. So he contents himself with a question. Because that’s easier than explaining all the pain he’s been carrying. “So I… I just wanted to know if it’s too much. If I should stop. Do you want me to stop?”

Matteo’s heart is thundering. He’s almost certain David isn’t going to break up with him. But he needs to know if he should dial it down, if he should try not to be quite so clingy. Instead of the serious consideration Matteo assumes will come, David’s chest shivers with a laugh, silent for a moment but then ringing out in one loud peal. Matteo frowns. He’s not entirely sure why this is funny. He squints up at David, bewildered to see something that looks like relief on his face, and there must be something of that confusion showing in his own face because David’s clears into the most beautiful radiance and he traces one finger down Matteo’s jaw to his chin and tilts it to kiss him.

“I thought it was all me,” David says, with another shaky laugh. “I’ve been thinking  _ I’m _ too much, that  _ my _ need is too much and so I’ve been trying to hold back a bit.”

“You’re ridiculous,” Matteo mutters, a grumpy relief flooding through him. He clasps David tighter, tucks his head in under his chin. To his delight, David’s body loses all traces of the stiffness that’s characterised so much of the last few weeks.

He feels the soft brush of lips on his hair, a hand carefully settling the hairs into place with tender fingers. He smiles, cuddles closer.

“You’re the one who just asked if you should stop hugging,” David points out. “So who’s the actually ridiculous one?”

“You. At least I asked.”

David squeezes his shoulder, trails his fingers down and along his arm. “You did, and I should thank you for that. I’ve been so worried about it.”

Matteo shakes his head, amused now more than irritated.  _ Of course _ it’s like this.  _ Of course _ David struggled with the same things Matteo did. This always seems to be the way. He presses a kiss to the skin on David’s shoulder, snuggles closer even than before.

“You worry too much.”

David sniggers. “So do you.”

Matteo smiles, feels the way David’s body reacts to the movement of his lips. This feels better already, their bodies now doing what they’ve always wanted to do. They settle together, heart beats aligning as they both let themselves fully relax into the moment.

“So no more worrying?”

“No more worrying,” David agrees. “Neither of us is too much and we can cuddle all we like.”

He suits actions to words, wraps his legs around Matteo and hums as he relaxes into the touch. Following suit, Matteo smiles again. He may be clingy, but so is David. And they can be clingy together.


End file.
